CruelestPunishment

TheCrystalBudz

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A Love Lost Too Soon by CruelestPunishment, literature

Literature

A Love Lost Too Soon

Missing you hurts so bad, It's a pain I've never felt before. It's excruciating and it breaks my heart knowing that I can't see you anymore. I can't hold you while we fall asleep, I can't kiss your lips or smell your scent. It's been a while since I've been withheld your touch, but my time without you is still torment. Since the day I found out that you've left this world, no day has passed when you haven't been on my mind. You opened up a part of me that some other man has yet to find. I didn't feel this way at first, but as time went by, it grew stronger and now the pain of yearning for you only makes this emptiness so much longer. I w

Strongest Woman Alive by CruelestPunishment, literature

Literature

Strongest Woman Alive

I want to be the strongest woman alive Who wakes up happy every morning Because she's strong enough to survive A woman who knows what she wants in life With ambitions and plenty of goals That she wants to do before she dies A woman who stands up for her beliefs Who follows through with them every day Because she's the commander in chief A woman with the greatest confidence Who makes her man want her like crazy That guarantees he'll never leave A woman who smiles beyond her tears Who makes it her job to stay happy Even during the peak of all her fears The strongest woman alive Is who I want to be And all other women who feel

i hope it fucking hurts by CruelestPunishment, literature

Literature

i hope it fucking hurts

i want to make you cry make you feel like i felt when i knew you lied lead you on and tell you i care even though i'm not really there i'll rip your heart out and gladly take it with me walk away smiling thinking, "baby, you will never forget me." i'll tell you i miss you when i'm with another guy show you that two can play this game as you believe my lies i'll laugh quietly as i let my phone ring ignoring all your calls i hope it's a bittersweet sting i'll bail on you when we have a date i'm going fishing and you're the bait i'll lay in bed with you and tell you you're my everything then go behind your back and tell

Depression by CruelestPunishment, literature

Literature

Depression

Depression you are my shadow even when It's a cloudy day. It's like I can't even write anymore, I never know what to say. And mt heart feels so painful, like it's constantly being destroyed. It takes so much energy to do the things I once enjoyed. Sometimes I feel like doing nothing because I don't feel real. My dreams kill me at night because they express what I conceal. I feel so trapped in this world I'd rather fade away than suffer with this insanity that I'm afraid to display. I need someone's shoulder even if it's a single tear. And I need someone to listen to me but, instead they only hear. I am singled out from e

Complexities Of The Mind by CruelestPunishment, literature

Literature

Complexities Of The Mind

Distorted; my mind It's become a complex hallucinogen in which my thoughts are refined and dissociated from reality An overdoes on serotonin I am the agonist itself I've got the toxic syndrome that doesn't let me control myself Obsessive; My soul I look with a blank stare because my thoughts take control of me and my surrounds become unaware I know of this synesthetic perception that's become automatic I've lost all sense of self that allows me to be charismatic Vulnerable; my heart the presence of psychological numbing I can't begin to impart the disconnection I feel I have an inablilty to care without consequence The d

Comfortably Numb by CruelestPunishment, literature

Literature

Comfortably Numb

Recently, it seems like I can only feel anger and pain. I don't know what to do, I can't keep myself sane. You haunt me in my dreams and even during the day. I've succumbed to so much fear that I am wasting away. I think about doing drugs to get that synthetic felicity and make my brain an easier place like a crystal's simplicity. No matter what I'm doing, I always think the same things. I've become a lost soul, A bird without its wings. I don't know where to go, either way I can't get rid of you or all the bad memories and all the things that weren't true. I replay them in my head like a movie on tv. I'm on my own, but

Haunted by CruelestPunishment, literature

Literature

Haunted

My mind keeps going different directions as I try to figure out what to say. Anxiety fills my heart tonight and the sky is the deepest shade of gray. He's like the Freddy Kruger of my dreams, killing me every night. I wake up as if it were real and you can tell I put up a fight. I can't walk the street alone at night because of an everlasting fear. I could be there one moment and in the next, I'd disappear. I feel like I'm turning into a schizophrenic who is always fearing for her life. Who would ever think I would be this afraid to be somebody's wife. When I dream I see all the evil in his eyes. After seeing all my tears I

The Nightmare by CruelestPunishment, literature

Literature

The Nightmare

I had a nightmare last night. It's the first dream that I've had in a while. He slowly aimed his gun at me while at the same time, he begun to smile. After taking my best friend's life, in a psychotic, demented state. I knew it was my turn to die, leaving the place in desecrate. I had always lived in fear because I knew he wanted me dead. My heart was shattered at once and then he watched me as I bled. I didn't know the driver, but our deaths made him content. His soul less body walked away with no sign of lament. I woke up in the morning with sweat dripping down my face. I don't love him anymore, but the memories I can't e

I Don't Regret You by CruelestPunishment, literature

Literature

I Don't Regret You

I tried to figure you out but I really had no thoughts. Everything that I found out made me completely overwrought. You weren't who I thought you were, but somehow that wasn't a surprise. I hated myself for believing you, for believing all your lies. I don't know how I fell for you, it proves that looks are deceiving. But I was so in love with you, that's why I never ended up leaving. It felt like the first time I was in love. Your eyes were so beautiful, it's like I saw your soul, But I was really trapping myself there, my heart was the most valuable thing you stole. I thought that I could change you, but only you have that

The Storm Of The Year by CruelestPunishment, literature

Literature

The Storm Of The Year

I fought through the storm of the year, thinking that your love was real, but I always knew in the back of my head that you don't even know how to feel. After you told me everything you did, you became my greatest fear. You didn't even know it, but you became my greatest fear. I didn't want to get hurt by you anymore, but I was afraid to get my things and leave. Because I remember the night when you said you'd kill me. It was serious enough to make me believe. We were together for a long time, but I couldn't live that life anymore. I grew tired of the pain and anxiety. Knew it was time, deep down in my core. So that night when

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A Love Lost Too Soon by CruelestPunishment, literature

Literature

A Love Lost Too Soon

Strongest Woman Alive by CruelestPunishment, literature

Literature

Strongest Woman Alive

i hope it fucking hurts by CruelestPunishment, literature

Literature

i hope it fucking hurts

Depression by CruelestPunishment, literature

Literature

Depression

Complexities Of The Mind by CruelestPunishment, literature

Literature

Complexities Of The Mind

Comfortably Numb by CruelestPunishment, literature

Literature

Comfortably Numb

Haunted by CruelestPunishment, literature

Literature

Haunted

The Nightmare by CruelestPunishment, literature

Literature

The Nightmare

I Don't Regret You by CruelestPunishment, literature

Literature

I Don't Regret You

The Storm Of The Year by CruelestPunishment, literature

Literature

The Storm Of The Year

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MrHighsky

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MrHighsky

missy-03

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Isolation1995

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lelue

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Sex Part II: The Act, Itself by arc-ician, literature

The taste of a man. by this-epiphany, literature

Suicide Note by Yllek, literature

Literature

Suicide Note

To my Mother and my Father, Both of whom where never there. Disowned me when I turned sixteen, Abandoned without care. And so for you I leave behind A black world full of hate For you to twist and torment in - All for you is desolate. To my Brother or my Sister, Aunt, Uncle and Cousin too, You simply just ignored me, Said "There's nothing we can do". You sat upon the sidelines, And you all just stared on in; Watched me spiral downward; Get swallowed up in Sin. To my 'friends', you User Bastards, Who were there to bleed me dry! I was there when I was needed, When you were needed, you'd just fly! To you I give my nothing, '

strawberry lips by starlight-silence, literature

Literature

strawberry lips

i tell him that if you could find an ocean large enough Saturn would float he calls me strange, i prefer memorable we stand and sway together smoking strawberry cigars letting the pale ghost ships slip out of our mouths and make their way, evanescent, on the stammering breeze dispersing among the leaves i tell him pay attention to the inbetween of my words he says he can't read my mind, i think louder. my dazzled, half-sleepy eyes look up to the dynamo of stars and i see Saturn soaking in the upside down ocean of the universe an unspoken imaginer's manifesto, now i am sure that i was blind before we met i

Perfected Sex by BloodyGoddess13, literature

Whore by LifeIsMediocre, literature

Literature

Whore

Touch me where we're not supposed to, Just to let me know you care. Hold me close and kiss me hard, Just so I know you're really there. Take off my cloths and I'll take yours, We'll let this happen as it should. Make love as has never been made, Or at least the best we could. I feel dirty and amazingly cheap, So overrated and used. I guess it could have been better, But at least I'm still amused. I'm a whore not worth a dime, Kill me now to clean the streets. Spray me down and hang me to dry, Just leave me with the sheets. You should hold me now the most, When I really need a hand. But instead of

Somewhere by AtelierBai, literature

Literature

Somewhere

The rain scent, the usual scenery The dark surroundings, city light spreads The sight of plane on my window Passing by, without noticing I grow weary by crying Without any shoulder to cling on anymore While mustering my last strength to walk Memories of adolscence dreams drift slowly What I want to do What I want to become Are that phrases still hold the meaning? In the end, it's beyond my reach to decide Just tell me I am a mistake Laugh at me, pity me and turn your back I am fed up with your sugarcoat words Not even my thousand tears could make a change Scattered thought, hungry soul Too much things I was forced to unders

This Is Me. by WhatIsBeauty1, literature

Literature

This Is Me.

I am Wendi, This is me, I'll open your eyes So you can see That who I've been Is who I'll always be. I slurp my drinks, My friends all think That my sanity Is on the brink. I'm loud, I'm open, I have no filter, My life is often Out of kilter. Scars, wounds, Wants, and needs, I can't help but bite The hand that feeds. I curse, I smoke, I live off herb, Respect is more Than I deserve. I've made mistakes, Corrected few, I've ran from most To start anew. I have a temper Often uncontrolled, Or a shoulder Turned and cold. At times I scream, I even yell and cry, I often times stop And ask myself why. I'm recovering from An addiction to drug

About CruelestPunishment

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Artist // Literature

Sep 16
United States
Deviant for 15 years
She / Her

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My Bio

Hi, I'm Delaney. I've been writing since I was 14 & it's my way of expressing the emotions I feel. Ive had depression for a long time, that's how I started writing in the first place. In some way, it's a blessing because I love to share my poetry with others who may be feeling the same way. Love and pain is the main thing i write about. Heartbreak, depression, regret, its all my main inspiration to write. This is the way that I help myself. I've been through it all, shit that school can't teach you. I don't regret anything I've done. Everything is a learning experience to me. Thankyou for reading.

“There is a great deal of pain in life and perhaps the only pain that can be avoided is the pain that comes from trying to avoid pain.”

i'll never need to see the sun again, there's enough light in your eyes to light up our little world. so take me, take me away.

and i feel immortal and i want to make you feel the same. so stand by me as we immolate. we can burn in each other's arms.

Current Residence: Cincinnati, Ohio
Favourite genre of music: Rap & Rock
Favourite style of art: Literature & freehand drawing
Personal Quote: You never find it if you're looking for it

Favourite Bands / Musical Artists

The used, avenged sevenfold & nirvana

Favourite Writers

Elizabeth Wurtzel

Other Interests

Writing, Pharmacology, Psychology and Psychopharmacology

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CruelestPunishment

Feb 15, 2011

prozac

0 min read

When I was younger, my emotions were easily seen by others and shown everyday. They were so strong. I constantly worried about getting someone pissed off or sad. I cried over boys. I cried all the time too. I have had depression for a long time, the symptoms started when I was a freshman in high school. I was innocent, vulnerable, sensitive and like I said EMOTIONAL. Right now is different. I haven't cried in a long time. I might have had a few tears come out, but nothing has made me cry. I feel pain, but I don't show it and it feels like no matter how much it is, I can never seem to cry. I don't have as  much sympathy as I used to have when

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CruelestPunishment

Jul 30, 2010

The Ultimate Survey About Me and My Opinions

0 min read

Who Are You? I am Delaney "TheCrystalBudz" Dooley What is your full name as it appears on you birth certificate: Delaney Lauren Dooley What do you like to be called: Delaney, Laney, CrystalBudz What are your nicknames: Laney, D, Crystal, CrystalBudz, D Train What is your alias? Lauren Ellman What's your stripper/drag queen name? Toby Miller Number of candles that appeared on your last birthday cake: 18 Date you were born: September 16, 1991 What is your sign? Virgo Notable Events on the Day You Were Born: Mexico's Independence Day Parent's names: Ken Dooley and Denise Miller Birthplace: Cincinnati, Ohio Hometown: Cincinnati, Ohio